Sadness

Well, here we go again...

I have this talent - I call it the inverse-Midas touch. I take something gold and buy touching it, can turn it to crap.

All I ever wanted to do in life was make other people happy, to save them the pain I've felt in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to it, I've had enough to become 'hardened' but I hate the idea of others suffering. So why is it exactly that I'm hurting so badly tonight. Why is it that someone else is hurting so badly...

She says it's because I never put her first, that I always defend my ex, always protect her. Part of her is right, I do protect my ex. A lot. Even from her. Someone has to stick up for the weak, the friendless, the lonely. Someone has to be there to look after those who have nowhere else to turn. People who are where I've been for a long time before the light came back into my world.

While wanting to show I'm a good, kind, caring person who sees good in everyone, it seems I've shown something else. Something resented, reviled, hated, something wrong. To paraphrase the ex, maybe this is the true me, the one people run from, the reason I'll always be alone. I don't know.

All I know is it feels like I'm probably going to lose something I cherished, something good, the best thing I had. If I lose it, it won't be by choice but it's not my decision alone to make. All coz I tried to do right by the world.

And it hurts...